Showing posts with label relationship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationship. Show all posts

Friday, July 24, 2015

A Question Of Age, An Overdue Apology, Possible Surgery by BJ Neblett

            A couple of summer back, I was accused of not being forthcoming, or open and honest about my age. While that Sunday first date could have admittedly gone smoother, it certainly didn’t do much to endear me to the object of my affection. I have never been one to be coy about my age. Truth be known, I was so enamored and totally taken with the beautiful young woman that I stuttered and stammered my way through the encounter like a naive schoolboy on his first date. As a result of my uncharacteristic shyness, I managed to blow what I still believe can be a remarkable relationship. Live and learn… but it still stings… quite a bit. And the way things were left between us still haunts me today. Some say it’s just the hopeless romantic in me. But it’s more than just that… a lot more… and goes a lot deeper. All I ever wanted was a chance; a chance for us to talk; to get to know one another; an opportunity for her to meet the real me, and to see where it all may lead. For my conspicuous, confusing and faltering behavior, to the lovely lady in question, my sincerest apologies. But sometimes the heart does what it wants without asking the brain. I only hope my words reach their intended destination.

            Closer to my real persona, I often jape that I am 64, look 44, feel 24, and act 14. Perhaps I should have just lead with those words two years ago. But actually, there is a lot more truth than humor to that statement. I have been blessed with great genes, and with being very youthful and fit. Perhaps baseball/softball is the real fountain of youth. I have pitched baseball and softball all of my life, and still possess the control, skill and finesse of someone half my age. Providence, however, does have its price. Just as someone in their prime, I seem to have possibly developed a condition that is the bane of professional pitchers. Tommy John Elbow, named after the famous Dodgers/Yankees pitcher, is damage to the UCL, or ulnar collateral ligament below the elbow, which connects the humerus to the ulna. Through excessive use and strain, such as a pitcher encounters, the ligament can become stretched and distended, losing its elasticity; much as a rubber band can be stretched out of shape. Worst case scenario calls for surgery, a procedure named Tommy John Surgery, in which the damaged ligament is replaced by a tendon harvested from another part of the body. It’s scary stuff, indeed. The good news is that a complete and full recovery, including returning to pitching, is the norm.
            I had my first, initial exam this week, and will be seeing a professional in sports medicine specializing in elbows and shoulders in the weeks to come. That, I am sure, will be followed by MRI’s, CT Scans, and a host of other test and procedures designed to provide a definitive diagnoses of the problem.
            And before you ask: The condition has limited the range of motion in my right elbow. Yes, I am continuing to play softball and to pitch. We play slow pitch softball and the condition has not seriously affected my pitching game. It has somewhat affected my ability to throw overhand. Yes, it is a bit painful, more so at times. I am wearing an elbow brace to help limit the amount of damage and pain. And yes, as you already know… see posts to this blog, September 16th, 23rd, and 28th, 2014… I’m not real good with hospitals. As they say, stay tuned for further developments. Your comments and questions are, as always, welcomed.
            Finally, as a request, next weekend I will be reviewing stories published in July’s eFiction Magazine. You can click the picture to the right for more info on this great publication, and to obtain a copy.
            Peace,

            BJ

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Conversation

Conversation
BJ Neblett
© 2009
            “Why did you come here?”
            “I don’t know…”
            “Why?”
            “I thought we could talk.”
            “Do I look like I want to talk?”
            “I don’t know. You know I could never read your expressions. Your eyes, they’re…”
            “Cold… empty?
            “No! No, not cold, just… what’s that word you use?”
            “Enigmatic?”
            “Yes, enigmatic, confusing.”
            “We were together for seven years and you still don’t know me.”
            “Yes, I do…”
            “You don’t.”
            “I want to…”
            “A little late for that, don’t you think?”
            “You always said it’s never too late.”
            “I was wrong.”
            “No.”
            “Time can…”
            “What, time can what?”
            “Nothing…”
            “It’s only been six years. That’s not too long a time… is it?”
            “Not if you are building the pyramids!”
            “I hate it when you do that.”
            “Do what?”
            “When you are sarcastic… I just meant it hasn’t seemed like six years.”
            “You weren’t the one in prison.”
            “That’s not fair…”
            “What isn’t?”
            “In a way I was in prison. I didn’t know what had happened… or why. I didn’t know what I should do… what you wanted me to do.”
            “So you did nothing… nothing! No letters, not even a lousy post card. You wouldn’t even let me call.”
            “I was confused… hurt… felt betrayed…”
            “I needed you.”
            “I wrote…”
            “Yeah, for what, the first couple of months, till you found out I would be gone for a while. Then nothing…”
            “I sent you a card when your mother passed away… I didn’t know what else I could do for you… I liked her.”
            “She liked you, too. If you’d read my last letter you’d have known what to do. It was a birthday card.”
            “It was returned. I never received it.”
            “Because you moved… with no forwarding address!”
            “I had to! I couldn’t stay there. Not by myself, not alone… I couldn’t.”
            “So you sold the cars, my equipment. What else… you sold it all and took off. No letters, no forwarding address, nothing…just gone.”
            “It wasn’t like that… I kept your collection for you…”
            “Why are you here?”
            “Your sister told me you’d been released.”
            “Why are you here?”
            “I thought we could talk…”
            “Why are you here?”
            “I don’t know…”
            “You should have written.”
            “I know. I’m… I’m… Alisha says hell-o.”
            “How is she?”
            “Good. She misses you. She’s good. She finished school, has a good job as a paralegal. She’s dating one of the attorneys. He’s a nice guy… You really cared for her. You were a good father to Alisha, the father she never had.”
            “She’s a good kid.”
            “It was hard for her, really hard. She blamed me. We didn’t speak for a long time. When we did it was just to argue… usually about something stupid.”
            “I’m sorry. The whole thing was stupid.”
            “What happened to us? What went wrong…was it me?”
            “Kinda’ late to worry about that now don’t you think?
            “Is it?”
            “How the hell do I know? I don’t know anything anymore. Damn it, I didn’t even know myself! How was I suppose to know what was going to happen… I didn’t know what I was doing. I was sick… I tried to tell you that… in my letters.”
            “I couldn’t listen then…”
            “Couldn’t or wouldn’t?”
            “I don’t know. Tell me now…please.”
            “Damn, you really didn’t know, did you… you don’t understand… well I didn’t understand either. I mean we planned on getting married. What would have happened if we had?”
            “I don’t know. I always believed marriage… love… love was forever. Tim destroyed that fantasy.”
            “I’m not Tim… it’s no fantasy…”
            “Then why? Why did it happen…why did you let it happen?”
            “I didn’t!”
            “You did! You did…”
            “I swear I had no idea! I was sick. I didn’t know I was sick. Hell, what would you have done if I had cancer…if I had to go away for six years for treatment?”
            “That’s different…”
            “No! It isn’t! That’s what I tried to tell you, tried to make you see. But you wouldn’t listen. You weren’t there.”
            “I’m here now…”
            “You’re still smoking.”
            “No…smoking again. I quit. Almost four years. I started again last Thursday.”
            “The day I was released...”
            “I’m here now…listening…”
            “All of those years. All those lousy freakin’ years! I had no idea… ”
            “You couldn’t have known…”
            “Fifty three years! That’s how long my life was run, taken over, half a freakin’ century!”
            “That must have been so weird…I can’t imagine.”
            “The final piece of the puzzle fell into place when I learned my career was keeping it all in check. It satisfied a need… like some junkie.”
            “So when you left your last job you lost your control.”
            “Take away the control and things begin to fall apart…quickly.”
            “I’m so, so sorry…”
            “It was my decision, after thirty years I was worn out… tired. I was happy… content with the life you and I had made. Or at least, that’s what I believed.”
            “You had no way of knowing…”
            “Knowing that I would destroy everything I cared about…destroy my life…”
            “You mean our life…our relationship. But we’re still here…”
            “Things change… people change… life changes.”
            “Only if you let it…”
            “No! I’m not the same person I was… the person you once knew.”
`           “I didn’t know…”
“I needed you!”
            “And I didn’t understand…”
            “You weren’t there for me!”
            “I didn’t know what to do…what to say. I thought you’d abandoned me, left me…that you didn’t want me anymore… you weren’t there for me, either!”
            “Why did you come here?”
            “I don’t know…”


                                                                                                Seattle, WA
                                                                                                July, 2009