Personal Reflection by BJ Neblett

Personal Reflection

BJ Neblett

© 2014

            Regular readers of my blogs know they will find the finest poems and stories along with some commentary about my books, magazine stories and other releases. And that trend will always continue. But those same regular readers will also note that for me writing can be and is healing. I have ranted and raved once or twice here and you my good readers were kind enough to indulge me and even send along your words of support. I ask you to indulge me once again.

            August 21 and October 26 are two important and very difficult dates for me. This year the anniversaries take on added significance. August 21, thirty years ago, a beautiful treasure was suddenly and violently taken from this earth, and from me. The incredible young lady God had selected for me as my life partner was killed in a hit and run accident at the hands of a drunk driver. To say we were meant for each other would be to greatly trivialize our relationship. As you can imagine, you never get over such a loss; you just somehow learn to go on. I still miss her.

            You can click here to return to an older post of mine, a section from A Change Is Gonna Come my forthcoming memoir. The chapter deals in more detail with the tragedy: http://www.bjneblett.blogspot.com/2014/07/love-in-million-by-bj-neblett.html

            I’ve never been really sure about déjà vu and history repeating itself and such. Fate and irony on the other hand seem to enjoy amusing themselves by constantly teasing and tormenting me. Last year I was blessed to meet another amazing young lady. I fell deeply and surely much too quickly. Despite the age difference, the deep attraction was, at the start, mutual. She stirred in me feelings I hadn’t felt for thirty years, feelings I thought I’d never feel again. But more than that, I discovered new feelings that I have never experienced for another human being. Making the situation even more incredible was the fact that this new lady was born exactly two months after my fiancé was killed. They shared the same birth date, October 26. And there were a number of other chilling similarities. I was lost; lost in love as well as a confusing mix of past and present.

            Irony can sometimes be cruel. Or was fate just giving me a second chance at true happiness? Who Knows? This past year wasn’t an easy time for me. I know I didn’t handled things well.

            It’s been thirty years since I lost my true love, and just over a year since my second chance; a chance I managed to blow big time. I have spent countless hours, willingly as well as reluctantly considering and revisiting both relationships. A million times I’ve played over in my mind all of the scenarios: the what if’s, how’s, why’s and maybe’s. I still have no clue, and both still hurt and trouble me deeply. I imagine they always will.

            But writing is healing. And knowing that you my loyal followers are reading my words is great medicine. And I thank you.

            Who knows, maybe the third time will be the charm.

            On a happier note: My new short story Ponytail – Never Say Uncle is now available in the August issue of Romance Magazine (Vol 2 No 7) through Amazon. Just click the image to the right. Those of you who don’t have Kindle readers, the August issue will be available through the publisher shortly in .pdf and other user friendly formats. The link to the publisher Fiction Magazines is below. There you will also find my stories in older issues of Romance:

Rain - Vol 1 No 10

All The Wrong Places - Vol 2 No 2

Three Of A Kind - Vol No 5

Tulips - Vol 2 No 6

Fiction Magazines: http://www.fictionmagazines.com/

Fill In The Blank by BJ Neblett

As you may or may not know, 2013 was a pretty rough year for me in many ways. I can see a light at the end of the tunnel, I just hope it is not a speeding train headed my way! I've had the chance to do a lot of thinking and contemplating about life recently, who knows, perhaps too much time. I can honestly say I've come up completely blank. The answers I seek just aren't there. In a classic case of speaking something into existence, it would seem one of my poems has returned to prove itself, or perhaps to haunt me:

          The older I get
          The further I go
          The more I learn
          The less I know

My work, my money, many friends, and even my softball team have been taken from me. And I have no answers, reasons or explanations as to that ultimate question: 'Why?'. I am left with just my health, my writing and my thoughts, and, once again, I have come up short. So I'll just sit back and let you good people fill in the blanks.
Peace,
BJ

         "The (most)______________________man is the one who has nothing left to lose."
         "A man with nothing to lose is _______________."

Soundtrack Of Our Lives: Memories Or Misconceptions?

Soundtrack Of Our Lives: Memories Or Misconceptions by BJ Neblett

             Music has always been a major part of my life. From my earliest recollections of blues, pop and jazz to my corybantic years as a radio DJ, my life, loves and writings have been shaped and influenced by the music around me. Like most of us, music for me is a reference marker, how I attach a date, a place and a face to a memory. Music is the voice of yesterday; it truly is the soundtrack of our lives. Think about it: the car radio; the transistor at the beach; the jukebox; the tiny walkman and MP3s; school dances to concerts to movie soundtracks to a song played by your favorite band in a local night spot. You will probably find you can associate a favorite tune with every important event, every milestone in your life. Music is what helps us to remember the good times; and to deal with the bad times.

            An old DJ friend of mine once said that there is a song for every aspect of the human experience. And so it is with my experiences. When I wish to recall a memory, a person, a place or a time, I simply recall a song. Music is the basis for the memories that pervade what I write. So, enjoy the pictures played in your mind by the music you hear, know and love. And stop and call to mind your past: your trials and triumphs, and your own romantic adventures. But keep in mind:

                                    Memories may be beautiful and yet

                                    What’s too painful to remember we simply chose to forget

                                    So it’s the laughter we will remember

                                    Whenever we remember the way we were

                                                                                                The Way We Were

                                                                                                Barbara Stresiand

Peace,

BJ

My Life In Colors by BJ Neblett

My Life In Colors

by BJ Neblett

© 2010

            When I was young everything was a friendly green. 1965 things started to take on a mysteriously intriguing purplish gold hue. By 1971 the world was opaque. As I passed through my twenties and into my thirties, the yellow of promise shone brightly. A dizzying blast of red hot love came and went in the twinkling of a soft blue eye. Turning forty five, smoky gray complacency tinted my life. For a time life became a pointless beige. Today the past is a brilliant unforgiving crystal clear; the future a hazy tawny sunset.

            I miss the green.

The Chase by BJ Neblett

The Chase

by BJ Neblett

© 1992, 2013

            Does the Coyote live or survive? Would his life be better without the Roadrunner, or would his life be meaningless? Does he need the Roadrunner or does the Roadrunner need the Coyote?

            Why does the Coyote keep climbing back up from the abyss when he knows his fate is to fall again? Or does he know? Is the Coyote a slave to his desires, wants, needs; or merely a product of his own existence?

            Without the Roadrunner would the Coyote continue to live… or exist… or survive? Could the Roadrunner exist without the Coyote? Would the Coyote be the Coyote without the Roadrunner?

            Should the Coyote, knowing that he is to never catch the Roadrunner, continue to try; or should he redirect his efforts? And if the Coyote were to redirect his efforts would he still be the Coyote… or something less… or something different?

            Do the ends justify the means? Is the reality as good as the fantasy? Is it the present or the wrappings that hold the attraction? Is it the reward or the competition that keeps the Coyote going?

            If the Coyote catches the Roadrunner, what then? Is there another Roadrunner somewhere for the Coyote to pursue… perhaps bigger… even more elusive?

            When does it end… or does it?

            Does the Coyote cease to exist if he stops chasing the Roadrunner? Does the Coyote cease to live once he has caught the Roadrunner? Is the Roadrunner meant to be caught?

            Does the Roadrunner actually exist… or does he just live in the mind of the Coyote?

            Does the Coyote actually exist? Or does he just live in the minds of those who believe in… or need… the chase in order to live… or exist… or survive?

            If the Coyote and Roadrunner didn’t exist would there be a need to invent them?

            I think so.

                                                                                                Houston, Texas

                                                                                                June, 1992

Thanks to Charles M Jones for endless hours of laughter and sleepless nights of contemplation.