Showing posts with label friendship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friendship. Show all posts

Monday, November 10, 2014

Purple Heart by BJ Neblett

For Veterans Day, one of my most popular stories, based on actual events. Enjoy this story of heroism, sacrifice and mystery as you remember all who served.
BJ

Purple Heart
BJ Neblett
© 1974, 2014

            Fighting had been heavy in recent weeks. The Viet Cong were determined to make this Veterans Day a memorable and bloody one for the US.
            The jungle plains around Bu Dop, a strategic village on the Cambodian border, were normally quiet. Occasionally, the enemy crossed the border, made their way around behind the village, and then snuck back over in a flanking maneuver from the west. The small bands of guerillas and mercenaries were lightly armed and not well organized. They made hit and run raids on supply convoys or set IED’s – Improvised Explosive Devices – for patrols around Saigon.
            But the past few weeks saw a sharp increase in hostilities in the area between the capitol city and Bu Dop, one hundred klicks to the north. These were seasoned troops, North Vietnamese regulars, equipped with Russian made assault weapons as well as mortars and shouldered rocket launchers supplied by the Chinese. The surprise escalation caught US forces off guard, and causalities were mounting. Frightened locals flooding into Saigon clogged vital roads, making a bad situation worse.
            Sgt. Ryan wiped his forehead with the sleeve of his fatigue shirt. He looked at the stain left by the combination of sweat, grime and camouflage grease paint. It was the rainy season in Southeast Asia. Like most of the men, Ryan ignored the army issued poncho. In the downpours common to the area, the protective cover felt hot, heavy and cumbersome. There was little one could do to stay dry. Rains fell like a violent steam shower in the dense jungle. Foot fungus; damp, malfunctioning weapons, and cold, wet meals were a fact of life while on patrol.
            Sgt. Ryan looked around. He took a grim mental count of the men in his command. When he set out seven days ago they numbered twenty one, split into three squads: Alpha, Delta and Echo. What was once Echo squad laid scattered several klicks behind along with some two dozen dead VC. The thirteen remaining battle weary GI’s, including three wounded, were headed back to base camp.
            “What the hell am I doing here?” Ryan muttered to himself for about the thousandth time. He adjusted the M-16 slung over his left shoulder. A year ago he was studying automotive mechanics at Lincoln Tech in Philadelphia, and engaged to his childhood sweetheart Carol Sawyer.
            Ryan relaxed against a tree as his men filed past. He thought about Carol. He used to have a picture of her. But like everything in this lousy forsaken jungle, it succumbed to the rain and humidity, crumbling in his hands one night as he pulled it from his breast pocket.
            But no amount of rain could blur its image tattooed in Ryan’s mind. Or the memory of the day she gave it to him.

            Ryan graduated at the top of his class at Lincoln Tech. Then his deferment ran out and Uncle Sam came calling. Carol was a freshman at Villanova University. The night before Ryan left they drove to the Springton Reservoir in his Dodge Coronet. It was their spot, about thirty yards from the boat ramp, a clearing between two old pine trees by the water’s edge. As they sat and talked, watching an orange moon rise over the frosted water, a pine cone dropped, denting the hood of the muscle car. Ryan was furious, jumping out and vowing to chop the offending tree down.
            Laughing, Carol ran a hand through his collar length wavy brown hair. The simple, affectionate act had an instant calming effect on Ryan. Carol’s touch always affected him that way.
            Hand in hand they wandered down to the water’s edge. It was there Carol gave him the snap shot of her. In it she wore his orange and black high school jacket. Long strands of golden rod hair tumbled over one shoulder partially covering the letter he earned in varsity baseball. Now that hair shimmered like a halo from the moonlight reflecting off the tranquil water. Carol looked like an angel. Ryan thought so the first time he saw her back in the fourth grade.
            “I have something for you, too,” Ryan said. He held out the keys to the red Coronet convertible. “I left some instructions in the glove box. Make sure you use only Sunoco 260, and change the oil every three months. She likes…”
            Carol accepted the keys putting a finger to his lips. “Pennzoil 20W50,” she said, smiling up at him. “I know. You forget I’ve spent as much time under her as you have. Sometimes I’m not sure which of us you love more.”
            She took her finger from his lips and they kissed. Later, alone in her bedroom, Carol cried herself to sleep.

            Despite his conflicting feelings about the war, Ryan determined to make the best of his service time. With typical military logic, the army completely ignored his mechanical aptitude and love of anything with a motor and wheels. Eight weeks basic training at Fort Dix, New Jersey, was followed by a grueling ten weeks in infantry school. Ryan and five others were offered a chance to receive further training in explosives. One of them was Kurt Taylor, Ryan’s lifelong friend and former rival for Carol’s affections.
            The two emerged as E-4’s, Specialists Fourth Class, experts in explosives and demolition. After a short leave, they found themselves attached to the 1st Cavalry. It was then the friends discovered, despite the mechanized designation and the silhouetted horse’s head which graced their shield shaped arm patches, the cavalry did a lot of its moving on foot. In the thick over growth that covered much of South Vietnam, a vehicle of any type could be a liability, a fact US forces quickly learned the hard way.
            On their first patrol into the green, Ryan and Taylor’s unit was caught by surprise and hit hard. The fierce fighting, often close enough to make out the enemy’s frightening crooked sneer, cost the lives of a raw Lieutenant, both platoon leaders, and several young men. They were pinned down and desperate.        Acting on instincts and training, Ryan radioed in an artillery strike on their position. The result was a costly victory and a field promotion for his quick thinking and action. Ryan reluctantly accepted command of his own platoon, much to the ribbing of his friend Kurt.

            “Hey, you gonna hold up that tree all day?” It was PFC Washington. His words brought Ryan’s thoughts to the problems at hand. They were approaching base. He jogged through the sheets of rain, catching up to the others. Sgt. Ryan signaled and his men stopped, squatting behind available cover. Corporal Hunt un-slung the radio he carried.
            Outpost Tango Two-Nine-Five was located atop a low hill. It commanded a view of the valley and the single dirt road that wound its way through the jungle. The small compound, consisting of partially buried buildings and twin lookout towers, was surrounded by four rows of alternating chain fence and concertina wire. Anti-personnel fragmentation mines were scattered in-between. Beyond that a one hundred yard killing field had been cleared.
            “Tango Fox Trot Charlie, over…” Ryan spoke deep and clear into the radio’s handset, glad he got it right. Call signs and military lingo wasn’t his strong suit. Raindrops stung like bee stings as the wind shifted.
            “Tango Fox Trot Charlie, this is Tango Fox Trot Bravo Two Niner Five…over,” came the fuzzy reply.
            “Papa Bear, this is Yogi. We have Jellystone in sight, over.”
            “Yogi, this is Papa Bear. What’s for lunch? Repeat, what is for lunch?”
            “Order me a large pepperoni with extra cheese,” a voice said into Ryan’s unoccupied ear. The whites of Kurt’s eyes contrasted sharply against the chocolate pupils and dark, smeared grease paint. He wore the same familiar toothy grin.
            Ryan smiled back, shook his head and shooed Kurt away, trying to think of the counter-sign. Even in the green, Kurt could be counted on to make you laugh.
            “Picnic baskets,” Ryan said finally, “picnic baskets. Over…”
            “Acknowledged… over.”
            “Papa Bear, this is Yogi. Visual now, over...” With that Ryan nodded to PFC Johnson. The private lobbed an olive drab colored canister into the clearing.
            “Yogi, this is Papa Bear. I have green smoke at eight o’clock. Repeat… green smoke, over…”
            “Confirmed, over…”
            “Yogi, this is Papa Bear. Welcome home, over and out.”
            Ryan let out a long sigh and passed the handset back to Corporal Hunt. He looked over to Kurt who had removed his helmet. His dirty blonde hair was flattened and stuck out to the sides, below the impression left by the leather head band. Ryan couldn’t help but laugh. It was the worst case of hat head he’d ever seen.
            Despite the dirt and grease paint and the stark realities of bloody combat, Ryan realized his friend still possessed the eager expression and questioning eyes of a young boy. Sitting there in the rain, they could have been playing war games in Kurt’s back yard.
            Ryan smiled and patted Kurt’s shoulder. “C’mon, Boo Boo, let’s go before they burn the pizza.”

            Mike Ryan met Kurt Taylor in Miss Sherbet’s fourth grade class at St. Pius X Catholic School. Fresh out of college, the attractive teacher with the funny name sat the boys next to each other, touching off a friendship and rivalry that defied understanding. To the casual observer it seemed the only thing the pair had in common was a strong proclivity for mischief.
            Kurt was wild, funny, outgoing and studious. Coming from a large poor family, everything he owned was second hand. Tall, thin and lanky, he always struggled to fit into clothes that were either too big or too small. The humorous appearance only accented his comical antics and natural ability to make people laugh.
            Mike was upper middle class. His father’s job as supervisor at a local plant brought the family to a comfortable home in the suburbs. While his older sister was a straight A student, Mike was more interested in exploring the world around him than his school books. Quiet and shy, the short youngster with the deeply mysterious cow eyes was often picked on by the other kids. He never let their taunts bother him, preferring his Hot Rod magazines and model cars to Cub Scouts and board games. This didn’t prevent him from getting into his share of trouble.
            Mike Ryan hated the strict atmosphere of catholic school and the boring, repetitive teaching methods. He often skipped class, idling away hours wandering through a nearby junk yard. Mike felt a strange kinship with the forgotten vehicles he claimed spoke to him. With flair and imagination, he created histories and stories for each of the lonely wrecks.
            When the two boys met it was like oil and vinegar: keep them well shook and you have an unbeatable combination. Both youths knew exactly how to keep their friendship well shaken. It was in Miss. Sherbet’s class that they met Carol Sawyer.
            Fair skinned, precocious and already developing, Carol was a good student with a keen wit and an inquisitive nature. And she actually liked boys, something rare in a nine year old girl. Carol found Mike a prince charming, even if his steed was an off white. They shared interests in music, baseball and the emerging race for space. She especially enjoyed Mike’s knowledge of cars and the stories he made up about them. Years later, those stories would be the basis for Carol’s first novel. The two drew close as time passed. Despite attending different high schools they remained a couple.
            Actually, Kurt was the first to take notice of pretty, indigo eyed Carol. She sat behind him in class and delighted in irritating him by gently blowing on the back of his neck. However, it wasn’t long before he found himself the reluctant middle man in a lopsided love triangle, passing notes between Carol and Mike, always with a sarcastic remark.
            Kurt would often deliberately read a particularly interesting looking note from the lightly freckled girl, knowing it made Mike furious. The resulting dispute usually climaxed at recess in a dramatic and funny duel with water pistols, and detention for Kurt, Mike and Carol.
            Ignoring his bad boy reputation, Carol’s mom took an instant liking to Mike. One afternoon after school, over milk and Oreo cookies, she revealed that he reminded her of Carol’s dad. Carol’s eyes gleamed dreamily. Mike recognized something in them that gave him a shiver.

            It was a warm spring day in the sixth grade. Mike remembered it like it was yesterday: Friday, May 18. The boys were swimming in the Ryan backyard pool. Mike had bought a friendship ring for Carol and Kurt was riding Mike hard, teasing him mercilessly.
            “Ok, lover boy, it took you long enough to save the five bucks for that hunk of tin,” Kurt teased. “Now all you gotta do is find the courage to give it to her.”
            “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Mike countered. “I’m gonna give it to her Saturday afternoon at the movies.”
            Studying the silver plated ring, he wondered if he indeed did have the courage. Mike was in love with Carol. He knew it that afternoon eating Oreo cookies with her mom. The look in Carol’s eyes, and the kinda sickly way it had made him feel, told him so. It took years for him to admit it to himself. Saturday afternoon, somewhere between the Road Runner cartoon and the attack of the flying saucers, he was going to admit it to Carol; and show her with the ring from Woolworths.
            Mike swallowed hard. He felt like the Coyote. He knew he was running off the cliff but he just couldn’t stop. Smiling to himself Mike wondering what the fall would be like.
            “Not if you don’t have it you can’t!” Kurt snatched the ring and dashed off, Mike in hot pursuit.
            They chased each other around the pool, Kurt laughing, Mike hurling names, swearing revenge. Then Kurt slipped on the wet cement. Striking his head on the side of the pool, he tumbled into the deep end. Mike dove in and reached the unconscious boy before he hit bottom.
            In the hospital, Mike was hailed as a hero for saving his friend’s life. Kurt joked he would never leave Mike’s side till he could even the score. Making good his promise, when Mike received his induction notice Kurt volunteered for the draft. Fate, and the army, kept the boys together.

            Platoons assigned to a forward base went out on patrols in rotation. Excursions in-country could last five to ten days, followed by five days rest. Depending on manpower, base personnel were rotated after three months and then reassigned. Most forward posts were staffed by a mix of A.R.V.N. troops – Army of the Republic of Vietnam – and US forces.
            Sgt. Mike Ryan and Spec. 4th Class Kurt Taylor were in their third month at forward outpost Tango Two Nine Five. They would pull one more patrol and then head to Saigon or Cameron Bay for some rest and relaxation. If they were lucky they might even score a few days on the sugar white beaches of Thailand.
            The week passed quickly. Kurt’s mom sent the boys a big box of homemade chocolate chip cookies. Mike received a letter from Carol. It smelled like orange blossoms and the envelope and paper were peppered with pink and red hearts. Kurt didn’t miss the opportunity to tease his friend.
            The letter contained a photograph of Carol in a revealing two piece red swim suit. She stood beside the Dodge convertible. Her sun lightened hair now reached to her elbows. Ryan ran a finger over the image, his eyes welling up. Then he laughed. If Carol could see him he knew she’d ask who the tears were for, her or the car.

            It had been quiet… too quiet.
            The more experienced men knew things didn’t stay quiet for long. The holidays were coming. Charlie liked nothing better than to ruin Thanksgiving and Christmas for homesick GIs. On Monday morning Ryan received orders; they were headed back in-country.
            An armored personnel carrier had been abandoned due to mechanical problems. It sat some thirty klicks north in an area the army declared secure. Ryan was to lead two squads and retrieve the vehicle. If it couldn’t be recovered he was to destroy it… simple.
            The rain let up, the humidity lingered. Steam rising from the thick green foliage cast an eerie smoke grey fog, cutting visibility. Securing his perimeter, Sgt. Ryan set about deciding what to do with the stricken APC. He always felt bad when he had to destroy a vehicle. But he knew it was better than letting it fall into Charlie’s skillful hands. They would make use of whatever they could remove. Or they might bobby trap it for unsuspecting patrols.
            Ryan became aware of the sudden silence. Then the jungle came alive with small arms fire. Ryan threw himself into a shallow mortar crater. A skinny GI with a toothy grin landed next to him with a thud.
            “Jeez, Kurt, you scared me! What the hell is going on? I thought this place was secure?”
            “Well,” Kurt replied over the intermittent din of automatic weapons, “I would say the US Army has a strange concept of the meaning of the word secure.”
            “How bad…?”
            Kurt’s demeanor turned sullen. “Hunt took one. He’ll be alright, the radio won’t. Charlie is to the north, west and south maybe.”
            “How many…?”
            “Too many, we’re holding… but if they get behind us…” He didn’t have to finish.
            “Damn… ok…” Ryan’s orders came fast, automatically. “Have the men fall back to a tight perimeter around this spot. Have them set fraggers. I want you to take four men, secure the trail out of here. I’ll take care of the APC. Let me know when you are set. Go!”
            Kurt nodded and took off, zigzagging, keeping low to the ground. Mike Ryan watched his friend disappear into the thicket. Several rounds clipped the growth above Kurt’s head.
            Ryan could hear movement from all sides. He prayed it was his own men. With two satchels of C-4, Sgt. Ryan crawled the short distance to the APC. There was no time for anything fancy. Working franticly, he did his best to conceal the explosive around the drive sprocket, along the track, and in the engine compartment and driver’s controls. Carefully inserting the primers, Ryan made his way back to some fallen trees, leaving a trail of thin wire. He found Kurt waiting for him.
            “Everything is set, boss, just say the word.”
            Just then a muffled explosion ripped through the jungle to the right, followed by several gut wrenching screams. An anti-personnel mine had done its deadly job, taking out several VC.
            Then all hell broke loose.
            Branches and leaves shattered in a hail of bullets. Ryan and Taylor hugged the wet ground. An eternity later the air, tinged with smoke and cordite, turned deadly quiet. Ryan knew Charlie might be getting set to attack.
            “Ok, it’s the APC they’re interested in, not us. Get the men out of here two by two, now.”
            Kurt grinned his boyish grin. “Just like Noah’s Ark,” and he was gone.
            Ryan checked the clip in his M-16. He watched the clearing ahead. Sure enough, the bushes beyond the doomed vehicle began to move.
            “C’mon kiddies,” he said to himself, “come and get it.” His finger twitched over the curved leaver of the detonator.
            The APC began to look like an ant hill, swarmed over by eager workers. Jeez, how many were there? Ryan thought he counted maybe twenty.
            “Secure my ass!” Ryan cursed under his breath.
            Fortunately, he was right. The VC were not being careful. They probably thought the American GI’s had retreated. Instead of attacking, they surrounded the APC. Several crawled inside. Ryan shook his head. He thought of the junk yard he escaped to when ditching school. Images of twisted chrome bumpers and mangled rusting fenders tore through his mind.
            “Sorry old girl.” He pushed the plunger of the detonator home.
            Nothing.
            “Damn it!”
            Risking a look, he saw the problem. A stray bullet had severed one of the two detonator wires. If he didn’t act fast Charlie would discover the explosives and remove the primers.
            Leaving his M-16, Ryan slithered over the fallen trees. The cut wire was in reach. Stripping the insulation with his teeth, he twisted the bare ends together.
            So far, so good.
            He scurried back over the logs. Someone shouted. Shots whizzed all around. Ryan felt a burning sensation in his right calf. He tumbled behind cover, the wind going out of him. It felt as if someone had grabbed hold of his leg, tossing him to the ground like a bundle of newspapers.
            “You looking for this?” Kurt lay next to him holding the detonator. The mischievous smile Ryan knew too well beamed at him.
            “What the hell are you waiting for, Christmas?”
            “No… Fourth of July,” Kurt replied and hit the plunged.
            The force of the explosion rocked the ground. Both men covered in a fetal position. Dirt, rocks, bits of metal and rubber and body parts rained down. As the dust cleared, Kurt stole a peak.
            “Nice work… you always did have a knack for destroying things. Remember my old bicycle… Oh, shit!”
            Kurt ducked. A second later he popped up again. Kneeling on one knee, he began firing, his M-16 locked on full automatic. Mike tried to rise. His leg wouldn’t move. For the first time he became aware of a biting pain below his right knee. Dropping the spent rifle, Kurt pulled the pins on two hand grenades. Three VC appeared atop the logs. Three smoking Russian made automatic weapons starred down at the two friends.
            Kurt tossed the deadly explosives into the air and flung himself on top of Mike.

            Mike Ryan awoke in a white room that smelled of an odd mix of disinfectant and orange blossoms. A dull pain throbbed in the back of his head. Slowly, his eyes began to focus. He wore a pair of navy pajamas with white piping. He lay in bed on his back. Tubes ran from his arm and nose. His head was bandaged as was his right leg which hung in a sling.
            An angel with golden hair hovered over him.
            A soft, familiar voice filled the room. “Well, look who finally woke up. Welcome back, solider.” Carol stood next to the bed. Mike tried to sit up but the movement sent a shock of pain through his body.
            “Easy there, baby.” As Carol leaned forward, the silver friendship ring Mike gave her in the sixth grade dangled from a chain around her neck. She fluffed the pillows and helped him into a comfortable position. Her touch immediately eased some of the pain.
            Mike could tell from the faint circles Carol had been crying. He looked at her, recalling the first time he saw her in Miss Sherbert’s fourth grade class. She looked cute in her school jumper. Now, dressed in fresh jeans, a cream colored turtle neck and boots, she was as beautiful as ever.
            Carol’s hair hung long and loose. Their last night together she’d vowed not to cut it till he returned safely to her. It now reached the small of her back. Ryan touched his bandaged head, looking into Carol’s damp eyes. His mouth was dry, his throat sore as he tried to speak. “Where… where… what…?”
            Carol took his hand in hers. The slim white fingers entwined around his. “You’re ok, Mike, you’re safe. You’re at Valley Forge Military Hospital.”
            “How… how long?”
            She kissed his hand and pressed it to her cheek. Mike felt the moisture of a tear. “You’ve been in and out… mostly out… for over two weeks. They took shrapnel out of your head and patched up a bullet hole in your leg.” She forced a smile. “The doctors said you may dance funny but you are going to be fine.”
            She brushed a tear.
            “You’re a hero Mike. Some military brass and a reporter came by this morning and left these.” Pinned to the pillow were two medals: the Distinguished Service Cross and a Purple Heart.
            Mike didn’t understand. He tried to think; remember. Carol held a glass and he took some juice. Over the next hour Mike related the story of the fateful patrol: the APC, how they were ambushed, and how Kurt shielded him from the two grenades with his own body. Carol listened carefully. When he finished her pretty face showed concern.
            Carol’s voice was patient, steady. “Oh, honey, you’re mistaken. It must be the concussion.” She touched his cheek, her other hand cupping the ring on the chain. Tears escaped the corner of her eyes. “Don’t you remember? Sweetheart, Kurt drowned. Mike, Kurt’s been gone for over seven years. You saved your platoon that day.”

            Sgt. Mike Ryan was discharged from the Army with all the honors befitting a hero. A couple of weeks later he left the hospital.
            On a cold December morning, Carol and Mike drove over to the small cemetery near the town where they grew up. In a corner, beneath an old maple tree, lay a carefully manicured plot with a polished marble marker. Mike knelt down, running his fingers over the deeply carved inscription.
Kurt Christopher Thomas
July 4, 1950 – May 18, 1962
            Taking the Purple Heart from his pocket, he laid the medal on the headstone next to Kurt’s name.
            “Thanks buddy,” he whispered.

Sunday, February 23, 2014

Love Alone by BJ Neblett

Thanks to everyone who has made Ice Cream Camelot such a huge success! I know you've waited, but the paperback version will be released late this Spring. I have had numerous inquires as to what happened to young Billy beyond grade school. I am hard at work on a follow up memoir titled A Change Is Gonna Come. Picking up where Ice Cream Camelot left off, it follows me as I move through high school, the army and beyond. Look for a possible winter release. In the mean time I'll be posting random chapters here, works in progress, for your enjoyment.
Be sure to comment, like, link and share the love!
BJ

Love Alone
by BJ Neblett
© 2013/2014

            By the time I escaped the killer nuns at St. Pius X Grade School my drinking was starting to get out of control. Dad had even caught me one night returning home drunk from a session of singing doo wop with my older buddies. With an expression that told me he knew what I’d been up to, he sent me off to bed.
            I knew there would be more to come.
            It wasn’t so much that I’d been caught that upset me. But the look of disappointment in Dad’s eyes brought back memories of all the other times, the times I’d been high or drunk and manage to escape detection. It had been over four years since I started drinking, sniffing glue and smoking pot. Fooling myself into believing it was all under control, I teetered dangerously close to the abyss of addiction. I’ve yet to completely figure out if my parents ever knew of my activities. I prefer to believe that they were simply clueless, doing the best they knew how to raise a rebellious, stubborn and curious son.
            As it turned out I was right, Dad was waiting for me the next morning at the breakfast table. The absence of my sister and mother told me this wasn’t good. But once again my particle and loving father surprised me. In no uncertain terms, tempered with homemade waffles and maple syrup, he advised me of the dangerous game I was playing. His words made sense and I think for the first time I began to see the damage I was doing. I had already blown my internship at WIBG radio, working with DJ legends Hy Lit and Joe Niagara. My pitching arm was stronger than ever but I’d been banned from every Little League organization in the area for my drinking and obnoxious behavior. Yet in my stubbornness, I refused to see the long term, bigger picture as my dad explained. Drinking was interfering with things I wanted to do, that’s all. My young mind said simply, “Be more careful and slow down a bit.” That was all. Even my father’s stern reminder of the pact he and I had made allowing me to attend public school made little impression.
            I could handle it.

           The summer between eighth and ninth grade still remains mostly a hazy memory. Most of what I recall comes second hand by way of friends and some long gone writings. But I do remember the date vividly.
           June 2, 1965 was the last Wednesday of grade school. I was saying goodbye to St. Pius X, and killer nuns, and school bullies and, as it turned out, to my friends. I knew that I would be attending public school in the fall; that most all of my classmates would be going on to Cardinal O’Hara High; that things would change.
            I didn’t know how quickly they would change.
            My long time girlfriend Amy and I had already come to terms with the idea of different schools. After four wonderful, turbulent, exciting, confusing, and memorable years of growing and learning together, we agreed that our relationship had come full circle. We still cared greatly for one another. But it was time to move on, learn new things, and meet other people. We agreed we would remain friends – close, special friends – while we explored the world beyond St. Pius X Grade School, the Lawrence Park Shopping Center, and our click of friends.
            Neither of us suspected it would be the last time we’d ever see each other.
       I remember the look in her eyes, those gorgeous mysterious hazel orbs that had held so much excitement and intrigue for me, on that final Wednesday. Sister Joann made a touching if a bit contrived and overlong speech about moving on and becoming young adults. It was just a bit too pat and rehearsed for my taste. Amy agreed. The Sisters of the Sacred Heart were as eager to see us go as we were to leave.
          From behind, a slender well manicured hand with the pinky nail bitten down found my shoulder. Amy’s soft touch lingered. It was a touch I’d grown to know and love over the last four years. A minute later the bell rang and it was over. Nine years of growing, and learning; of confusion, and being bullied; of friendships, and falling in love and discovering myself and the world around me, with the shrill tolling of a bell it all came to an end.
            Memories came rushing back in a flood of bittersweet images. I thought of failing the fifth grade and the friends that had moved on ahead of me; of the first day of fifth grade part two and my father’s chiding words of encouragement, “New faces; new experiences; new friends to make.”  I thought of the new friends I’d made. I remembered my first meeting with the beautiful and beguiling Amy Johns who confounded and captivated me so. And I thought about Chris, the best friend I’d lost to a careless game of chase.
            My eyes began to mist.
          Fighting back tears of confusion and wonder, I turned in my seat. Amy stood at my side looking down. Her hazel eyes were wet.
            “Well…” she said softly before turning away.
            “Yeah…” I managed.
            Later that day we talked and reminisced with her mom over chocolate ice cream. In her back yard play fort, Amy and I awkwardly clung together. There didn’t seem much for us to say. Amy returned the simple silver friendship ring I’d given her, and that was that.

            The main difference between the summer of ’65 and past summer vacations was that I was alone. Amy and her family were once again summering in Atlantic City. My other friends, Tommy and Frankie and the rest, were busy with their own activities. I never saw any of them again. Instead I returned to my routine of sitting in the bleachers at the Little League games and then wandering up to the public grade school where I’d find my older friends.
            But all this too was changing. The baseball games held little interest for me if I couldn’t play. And most of my hanging buddies had moved on, too. Even my beloved transistor radio was unable to cheer me. Long time rocker WIBG was quickly giving up the fight against the British Invasion. As doo wop and traditional rock ‘n’ roll slipped from popularity, Philadelphia began to vibrate to a different beat. After a couple of false starts, the Beatles along with other English acts had finally established a foothold in American rock ‘n’ roll. Their influence would change the fabric of popular music forever. Even stalwart greaser DJ Jerry Blavat saw the writing on the charts. He began spinning more Motown and less doo wop. I remember the evening I switched on WHAT and heard the Righteous Brothers’ You’ve Lost That Lovin’ Feelin’. It seemed to announce the end of the world as I knew it. Sure, it was a cool song. But in my perfect world mind set it belonged on WIBG, not being spun by the ultimate in coolness, the Geator With The Heater. In another year the torch would be passed and the takeover complete as upstart WFIL and their Boss Jocks ruled the Philly airwaves. Removing the nine volt battery from its plastic case for the last time, I parked my trusted old musical friend in the top drawer of my desk.
            I was totally alone now.
            With nothing better to do, I continued my old routine, usually with a pint of bourbon or gin secreted away within a casual Pepsi bottle. My parents were gone a lot, Mom deep into her acting, convincing Dad to join her and handle lighting and effects for local performances. And my sister Mary, now a licensed driver, was spending much of her free time on dates and with friends.
            I stared at the lush green ball field blankly. I didn’t even know who was winning. I didn’t care. Taking a long pull from the ersatz Pepsi container, visions of Ronnie flooded my mind. It had been a long time since I’d seen her, too long, but she remained as fresh in my memory as yesterday’s sunset. We had met right here, on these bleachers, both of us pretending to watch the game, both of us looking for something more; neither of us knowing what that something might be.
            She was different from Amy in almost every way. I think that was what intrigued me so much about her. Ronnie and I didn’t talk a lot, there was no need. We’d meet after dinner, sit in a corner of the bleachers and share a bottle of whiskey. Often we’d wander deep into the woods behind her house. There Ronnie allowed me to touch her; explore her young body while she laid motionless, smoking a cigarette or just staring at the trees. But we never spoke of the things we did. If the petting became too heavy or uncomfortable for her she’d simply turn away.
            Despite the quiet distance between us, or perhaps because of it, I found I had strong feelings for Ronnie. I missed her when she moved away. I loved Amy as best my young years were capable of loving. But lying in my bed late at night, with the open window and roaring attic fan doing little to alleviate the burning fever in my young body, it was Ronnie I recalled.
            A loud clash of thunder stirred me from my brooding. A sudden summer shower was blowing in from the south. Within minutes, bleachers and field alike lay deserted as parents hurried their kids to the safety of the family sedan.
            “That’s a good way to get electrocuted”
            I looked up, finding a pair of cold black sardonic eyes. “I know an easier way,” I replied.
            A drop of rain found her slightly turned nose. She didn’t flinch, continuing to return my stare. I felt the rain on the back of my neck. “I’ll bet you do,” she answered with a disconnected dullness. It was the same kind of response you got from parents and teachers who were more interested in the things you didn’t say. “C’mon, I don’t feel like being struck by lightning right now.” Without looking back she turned and headed off.
            I don’t know why but I just sat there, a child stubbornly defying his parent’s orders. The rain picked up. It was cold; felt good. Taking another hard pull form my bottle, I finally slipped from the aluminum bleachers and slowly walked home.
            The rain persisted, ebbing and flowing in sprinkles and showers throughout the night. As I figured, no one was home to shoot me despairing looks and tell me to get out of those wet clothes before I caught cold. I stared blankly at a rerun of The Man From UNCLE, and then went off to bed.

            Sunday after dinner I headed out the door. Mom asked where I was going. I had no idea. “To the ball field,” I called back. I knew Little League games weren’t played on Saturdays or Sundays. I doubted if my parents knew.
            “Have a nice time,” was mom’s reply as the screen door hissed shut.
            I sat in the deserted home team dugout nursing three fingers of rum. It was all I had left, and with my neighbor Mike doing thirty days for drag racing down West Chester Pike while drunk I didn’t know where or when I’d be getting my next fix. Tipping back the bottle once again released more ghosts along with the tart liquid. Unwelcome phantoms are the hidden prized at the bottom of every bottle of liquor. It was right here, in the home team dugout I’d lost my virginity. It had been about a year and a half ago but seemed an eternity. She was a gift for my thirteenth birthday from my older doo wop singing buddies, her and a bottle of Seagram’s Seven.
            Try as I may I couldn’t recall her name. Involuntary selective memory is the bother and bonus for regular drinkers. But her face came into sharp focus as the last drops of rum burned their way down my throat. The girl was nothing more than a fish, a groupie. Except for her face and the warm sensation between her legs I remembered nothing of the encounter. But that cold December night we both got what we wanted. She was accepted as a member of the gang that hung out at the public school making a nuisance of themselves, singing and drinking.
            And I became a man.
            I laughed out loud at the thought, coughing up thick green and brown phlegm in the process.
            “Didn’t your mother ever tell you you’d get sick sitting out in the rain?”
            I spit the slimy wad to the far side of the floor, holding up the paper sack wrapped empty bottle. “Not sick…”
            A flash of white teeth approached as she made her way across the narrow dugout. “So, what ya got for me?”
             I tossed the bag after my luger. It shattered in the corner as she flopped down next to me. “I got nothing, I’m tapped out. All I got is my memories.” I turned and found a familiar pair of cold black eyes. “And memories suck. At least mine do.”
        “I’ll drink to that.” Slipping a denim purse from her shoulder, my visitor produced a bottle of Thunderbird wine. “You don’t think I carry this thing because I’m a girl do ya?”
            We both laughed as she cracked open the fresh pint. “That shit sucks worse than my memories.”
            “You said it.” Taking a long pull, she passed the bottle over. “But, whatcha gonna do?”
            I accepted the offering.
            “To memories,” it tasted awful, and I had to swallow hard to get it down. I never cared much for the taste of wine or beer. But at fourteen you couldn’t be picky.
            We sat in silence for a long time. I didn’t know what to say and she didn’t seem interested. The sky was slowly clearing and a waning crescent moon spilled its light into the dugout. She was someone I’d probably ignore on the street. Pretty in a plain sort of way, piercing black eyes and tight figure were her best features. Our two brief conversations so far bespoke of a cynical, sarcastic attitude.
            I liked her immediately.
            “What did you mean about knowing a better way?” she asked, breaking the silence.
            “What?”
            “The other day, in the bleachers, you said you knew a better way to get electrocuted.”
            “Oh…that…” More ghosts; little did I realize at the time how large a part in my life to come those ghosts would play. Perhaps if I’d kept a tighter rein on the endless bottles of liquor they would have stayed put. I thought about what she’d asked. I didn’t have to think long. The day was burned indelibly on the insides of my eyelids. It shadowed my days and haunted my nights. “May 18, 1962.” I turned and our eyes met. “I was in the fifth grade. I watched my best friend get fried by a high tension electrical wire.”
            She didn’t blink or even stiffen the way most people reacted when I spoke of Chris’ death. For just a moment her eyes softened and her detached demeanor slipped – for just a moment, “I’m sorry. Now that must have sucked!”
            I laughed. I couldn’t help myself. I laughed out loud. She laughed, too. I could picture my old pal Chris looking down, laughing and grinning from ear to sugar bowl ear right along with us. It was exactly the way he’d want to be remembered, with laughter.

            Trudy turned out to be a combination of both Amy and Ronnie; a mysterious amalgamation of the good and bad of both my former girlfriends. Like Amy she was fun and interesting; unlike Amy she was shy and withdrawn around most people. Like Ronnie she drank and smoked, and we engaged regularly in sexual activities; unlike Ronnie she participated freely and eagerly. We became friends, or as much of friends as she would permit. I discovered Trudy didn’t trust many people, kids or adults. Nor did she allow anyone into the private thoughts and feelings and fears she kept tightly sequestered behind those impenetrable black eyes. I was afforded cleft note glimpses of her inner mind set and rhetorical reasoning. Some of it reflected my own; some of it frightened me.
            Her drinking was a result of a dysfunctional alcoholic home life. Trudy’s dad began feeding his daughter liquor when she was six. After she passed out he’d sexually abuse her. When she grew old enough to understand what was going on she started drinking on her own. One night when she was twelve she broke a bottle of cheap rye over her father’s head while he slept. In a day an age when abuse was spoken of in whispers and most people preferred to look the other way, Trudy was sent to live with foster parents. The situation only abetted her anti-socialism.
            But we were a pair, Trudy and I, soul mates, kindred spirits cast from the same flawed mold. Without explanations or questions we understood each other. Later, perhaps too late, I came to realize it was more than just an errant storm that had brought us together; and more than mere alcohol that kept us together that summer. With Amy’s departure, I had nailed my emotions to my bedroom wall and placed my heart in the desk drawer. It was obvious Trudy had long ago done the same.
            As with Ronnie, the Little League games formed the framework for deceiving nosy parents. We’d meet and watch the game from the bleachers while sipping bourbon or rum or gin from a Pepsi can that fooled no one. Later we’d hang around the vacant dugouts or slip into a small, tightly concealed clearing in the woods. One evening I introduced her to what remained of our thinning doo wop group. The guys were cool and seemed willing to accept her as part of the gang. As it turned out Trudy had quite a pleasant and natural singing voice. Problem was she disliked doo wop and adored the Beatles. After that I began spending less time hanging out and singing. New, younger faces soon began to replace the old bunch, and by fall doo wop days at Loomis School, like doo wop itself, were a thing of the past. I missed those times of adolescent camaraderie. I still do. Those nights of simple songs and innocent dreams hold some of my fondest memories.

            Among the many things Trudy and I didn’t talk about, our feelings for one another ranked right at the top. It wasn’t necessary; we shared a quiet understanding that transcended anything I’d experienced with Amy or Ronnie. We weren’t in love; co-dependent would be a better term. She never cracked the door to her feelings more than her safety chain allowed. I kept mine locked up in the drawer with my transistor. We wore our pain and loneliness like stealth armor, visible to anyone who cared to notice; most didn’t bother. Sex mirrored our drinking; both defined our relationship: selfish, detached, indulgent and satisfying.
            It probably should have been a memorable summer – crossing the threshold between adolescent and teenager, moving on – it wasn’t. I did my best to hide from the changes going on around me and to ignore the ones that lay ahead. With Trudy I succeeded. The rest of the summer is a blur. I remember Trudy moving away the first week of August, sent off to live with yet another foster family. It was probably the only time I ever saw her show any signs of emotion. “This sucks,” she said flatly, “I’ll miss you.”
            A week or so later I sobered up long enough to realize junior high was just around the corner. I’d better get my act together. I cut down on my drinking, mainly because I’d begun to hate drinking alone. By now there was no one left to hang and sing with, and I’d lost all touch with my old St. Pius gang. The week before Labor Day was spent shopping with my mother. She let me pick out most of my own clothes. That turned out to be a mistake on both our parts.

            September 9, 1965 was the first Thursday of junior high. It was the start of ninth grade; the beginning of the new Billy. I felt nervous, scared and alone. Maybe that was because I looked like a clown.

Saturday, September 21, 2013

Stepping Out Of Format For A Moment

Excuse the rants and raves. But like everyone, I am an emotional creature and sometimes emotions, like actions, can be mis-read and mis-interpreted. My altruism was questioned this weekend and I'm not ashamed to admit that it stung and hurt deeply... those nasty emotions at work again. When writers become upset they do what comes natural: they question, contemplate and write. Hopefully, maybe someday down the line the right person will read these rants and raves and understand. And forgive me for being human.
Thanks for listening.
BJ

For Kristin:
            What ever happened to friendship? What has become of unselfishly caring for one another? Where did empathy go? Have we as a people become so jaded that the simplest gestures of kindness become suspect? When did altruism become a four letter word?
            Doing the right thing for the wrong reason seems to be the new norm. The ‘me’ generation has begat offspring strangers to compassion. “What’s in it for me?” has morphed into, “What’s his angle?” Suspicion is rampant and trust nonexistent.
            Sometimes I am guilty of letting my emotions control my actions. The result is sometimes I do the wrong thing for the right reason. But why does it have to be that way? If the intent is honest, why must the method be questioned? The easy answer is the world has changed. But the world has changed because people have changed. We no longer accept other’s actions at face value.    
            Questioning fosters suspicion;
                        suspicion fosters distrust;
                                    distrust fosters alienation;
                                                alienation destroys friendship.
          Man is an emotional creature; it’s one of the most important distinctions separating us from the animals. For true friendship to exist there must be trust. And trust is an emotion, as real and as strong an emotion as love.
           We are all capable of doing things for ourselves and taking care of ourselves without help from others. But that doesn't mean we always have to. The next time someone does a kindness for you don’t question their motives. Rather, accept their deed, thank them, and enjoy the warm emotion of trust.

                You might just find you’ve made yourself a friend.
BJ 9/21/13