Showing posts with label A Change Is Gonna Come. Show all posts
Showing posts with label A Change Is Gonna Come. Show all posts

Friday, December 9, 2016

Who Said That? by BJ Neblett

Hello once again and welcome to our year end round up and house cleaning.  First order of business is something that finds me at once honored and humbled. Many quotes attributed to me have found their way into the most interesting places, including being used as photo tags and within the text of motivational and inspirational speeches. I am often asked about their origin and where they can be found. Below is a list of what has turned out to be my most popular quotes, and their source, be it one of my books, short stories or just a quip of the lips. I hope you enjoy them. Next week look for a full catalogue of my publications. Thanks.
Peace.
BJ

“The things we keep hidden deepest inside are often those that need most to be released.”
                        Princess Haylee from Princess Haylee by BJ Neblett (9-2016)

“I am just a roadside attraction on your journey down life’s highway, a place you stop briefly before moving on. Years from now, in a long forgotten box of memories, you’ll come across one of my souvenirs and think of me. And maybe you’ll smile.”
                        BJ Neblett (8-2016)

“Every journey must proceed at its own pace, each step following the other in its proper order. For that is the way of life.”
                        Planet Alt-Sete-Nine by BJ Neblett (7-2016)

“It’s not what you see, but what you believe. It’s not what you fear, but what you trust. It’s not what you love, but the love you give.”
                        Princess Haylee from Princess Haylee by BJ Neblett (7-2016)

“It’s not what is said, it’s how it is spoken; it’s not what you write, it’s how it is written; it’s not what’s implied, it’s what’s inferred.”
                        BJ Neblett (from the essay Flash Fiction 12-2015)

“Sex mirrored our drinking; both defined our relationship: indulgent and satisfying.”
                       From: A Change Is Gonna Come by BJ Neblett (Forthcoming memoir)

“You’ve got to have ice cream to write good romance.”
                        BJ Neblett

“A love letter lost in the mail, forgotten, miss-delivered, and then discovered years later and received by the intended is romantic. A love letter ending up in someone’s spam filter is just annoying.”
                        BJ Neblett

“The half empty container of warm beer in my hand was the perfect metaphor for our relationship.”
                        From Beer And Broken Dreams by BJ Neblett

“Some of my best writing has come at the hands of heartache and frustration. Being totally crazy about someone you cannot have is great food for inspiration.”
                        From Beer And Broken Dreams by BJ Neblett

“The two greatest assets a writer can have are an unbridled imagination and to have lived an unabashed life.”
                        From All The Wrong Places by BJ Neblett

“Where exactly lays that fine line between hopeless romantic and helpless fool?”
                        From Beer And Broken Dreams by BJ Neblett

“Fantasies… who needs fantasies? I have memories.”
                        From No Boundaries by BJ Neblett

“Love knows no boundaries, seeks no guidance; obeys no rules.”
                        From No Boundaries by BJ Neblett

“Nothing is as wonderful and wondering as love’s first awakenings.”
                        From No Boundaries by BJ Neblett

“There are as many things to love about someone as there are some ones to love.”
                        From No Boundaries by BJ Neblett

“Can anyone ever really know another?”
                        From No Boundaries by BJ Neblett

“We’re all victims of our rearing, carrying the sins of our fathers like so much baggage; fearful of the demons inside escaping.”
                        From No Boundaries by BJ Neblett

“Never having done something is the best reason to be doing it.”
                        From No Boundaries by BJ Neblett

“Summer is for lovers, dreamers and fools.”
                        From No Boundaries by BJ Neblett

“Memories are reality’s ghosts”
                        From Three Of A Kind by BJ Neblett

“Love doesn’t ask much… simple things, like a gentle touch.”
                        BJ Neblett

“…As tender as a kiss
My empty arms enfold you,
And as strong as a tear
My empty heart longs for you…”
                        From: Mi Amor Es Tuyo by BJ Neblett

“See with your mind, speak with your heart, touch with your eyes, and love with your entire being.”
                        From: Elysian Dreams by BJ Neblett

“The past is a hotel. You can visit anytime; enjoy the view. But you can’t live there. The cost is too high.”
                        From: Elysian Dreams by BJ Neblett

“Yesterday’s faults become today’s lessons. Today’s dreams become tomorrow’s reality.”
                        BJ Neblett

“Loving you is like walking between rain drops.”
                        From Never Let A Vegetarian Pack Your Lunch by BJ Neblett

“Where does one run to escape from feelings?”
                        From Rain by BJ Neblett

“Remembering the past is one thing; living in it is another. If you don’t enjoy today, you won’t have any memories of it tomorrow.”
                        From Static by BJ Neblett

“We are the sum total of our experiences. Those experiences – be they positive or negative – make us the person we are, at any given point in our lives. And, like a flowing river, those same experiences, and those yet to come, continue to influence and reshape the person we are, and the person we become. None of us are the same as we were yesterday, nor will be tomorrow.”
                        From George by BJ Neblett   

“Providence has its price.”
                        From The Man Who Wouldn’t Die by BJ Neblett

“I’ve been told I am a great catch. Trouble is I keep getting thrown back.”
                        BJ Neblett

All the women of the world have two things in common: one, they are beautiful… all women are beautiful. Two, none of them want to have anything to do with me.”
                        BJ Neblett

 Learn from the past 
 Live for the present
 Look to the future.
                          BJ Neblett

“Education is what happens as you learn to live life.”
                        BJ Neblett

“You might as well laugh at yourself, everyone else is.”
                        BJ Neblett

Note: Planet Alt-Sete-Nine and Princess Haylee are books tentatively scheduled for release Spring/Summer, 2017 and Winter, 2017 respectively. A Change Is Gonna Come is a follow up to my memoir Ice Cream Camelot. No release date yet. “Mi Amor Es Tuyo” is a poem/song.

Check back next week for info on where you can find these and all of my other books and short stories.

Friday, August 29, 2014

Love In A Bottle by BJ Neblett

As promised, here is another chapter from my in progress follow up memoir to Ice Cream Camelot titled A Change Is Gonna Come. It is the '80's, as this chapter examines my reaction to my fiancee Cindy's death at the hands of a drunk driver. Look for A Change Is Gonna Come spring of 2015. Please be sure to like, link, comment and share the love. And you can follow my career as a romance writer by clicking on the image to the right. Enjoy Ponytail - Never Say Uncle in this month's Romance Magazine. And look for a new story in September's issue, available soon.
Peace,
BJ

Love In A Bottle
BJ Neblett
© 2004, 2014

            The year and a half following Cindy’s murder is a blur in my life. From what I’ve been able to piece together of the eighteen months, that’s probably a good thing. There’s not much of a view from the bottom of a bottle of self pity and guilt. What you do see isn’t worth remembering; what you remember you try to forget. What I remember about the fall of 1984 and all of 1985 is a dark, angry, bitter, confused and mostly drunk face staring back at me in the mirror. The face wasn’t even recognizable as my own.
            I didn’t shave for weeks at a time. Personal hygiene wasn’t high on my list of priorities. Forgetting was number one. I did manage a presentable façade at the station. Work was the only thing besides gin that took my mind off of Cindy. And even gin wasn’t doing too good of a job. If it had I’m sure I would have drunk myself to death.
            I almost did.
            You think I would have learned.
            In high school, I lost three close friends to drinking. As a disenfranchised young teen I nearly lost my life during an alcohol induce impromptu bonfire with my buddies. Working in clubs you have a front row seat, witnessing what alcohol is capable of doing. Cindy’s mom was an alcoholic. Cindy died at the hands of a worthless drunk who had been given more chances than he ever gave Cindy.
            You think I would have learned.
            I didn’t.
            One rainy night, drunk and high on ecstasy, I drove my beloved De Soto into a cement bridge abutment. I wasn’t seriously injured, but in a twist of irony two good Samaritans drove me to the hospital. I was cited for leaving the scene of an accident and kept my driver’s license. But I wore steering wheel welts across my eyes and chest, and a deep parking brake handle gash in my left knee for weeks.
            My best friend Bill talked me into seeing a psychologist. Reluctantly I agreed, but her well meaning, expensive psycho babble went in one ear and out the other. She said I was subconsciously trying to destroy not just myself, but one of my last tangible links to Cindy. She was right of course. Our first official date was in that car. Cindy formed a curious fascination and affection to the be-finned antique. I teased her about having a fetish for anything that was old.
            The De Soto wasn’t totaled. I’ve fixed worse, including the De Soto when I first got her. But I had neither the desire to repair her, nor the heart to see her junked and parted out. In one of my more lucid moments, I gave the old reliable classic a fitting burial. A friend of mine was in the heavy construction business. Cement pouring was scheduled to start in a few days for an office complex near Houston’s InterContinental Airport. We trucked the old De Soto up to the site and he bulldozed out a pit. With Rock ‘n’ Roll Heaven blasting from the speakers, and Cindy’s photo smiling at me from the dashboard, I drove my trusted old black and white friend for the last time, and then sadly watched as she was covered over. Days later a few thousand metric tons of cement sealed her fate. To this day she rests beneath a multi-level parking garage.
            Neither the accident nor the loss of my old De Soto managed to slow me down.
            Almost losing my job did…almost.
            I managed to hold onto a modicum of sobriety at work. But being sober didn’t help my attitude. The Lite Rock format was taking over Houston’s air waves. My show was important to the station’s success. As it turned out no one was interested in listening to, or talking with, a bitter, cynical love songs host. Radio is a strange medium. No matter how hard you may try to mask them, your emotions shine through. Your moods and demeanor manifest themselves in your speech and your comments, even in your music. If you are happy the listeners are aware. If you are pissed they know that, too. And so does your boss. I went through the motions, putting no interest or effort into my work; drawing on my years of experience to get me through the night and to my next drink. The ruse fooled no one. Four days before Christmas, 1984, my friend and boss Pamela Dunlap called me into her office.
            I was waiting when Pam entered. “You look like hell.”
            “Thanks,” I replied, giving her a sour look, “Merry Christmas to you, too.”
            She glared at me from behind wire rimmed reading glasses as she sat down. Deep in my bitterness, I found a flicker of remorse for my uncalled for remark. Through everything that had happened, Pam had remained a good friend. And in my present condition I was quickly running out of friends. “Don’t even mess with me today, Billy! Shut up, listen to what I have to say then politely thank me and get out of my sight! Got it?”
            I swallowed another sarcastic remark and nodded. Pam took a deep breath. I could tell this wasn’t easy for her. “Okay, I know it’s only been four months since Cindy’s death. I am aware of how much you are hurting.” She held up a hand cutting off my comment. “That still doesn’t excuse your behavior. If you remember, I offered you as much time off as you needed. You refused. At the time I agreed thinking maybe work would help you get through it. But…”
            Okay, I thought, here it comes, happy holidays and good bye.
            “… but it didn’t. You’ve been late. You disappeared for over a week in October to who knows where. You are constantly drinking.” She picked up a pencil and then threw it back down on the desk. “You of all people should understand that what you do on the outside does reflect on the station. Your attitude towards your show is totally unacceptable. Sloppy work is one thing, but when you start to alienate listeners something needs to be done.”
            Pam turned her chair and gazed out the window. She couldn’t look at me. I couldn’t blame her. Everything she had said was true. And she had been gentle with her remarks. I may not have been able to remember specifics from the last few months, but I was keenly aware of my disagreeable disposition. It was affecting every aspect of my life. I had lost a lot of weight and nearly everyone close to me. I felt much older than my thirty-three years and looked twice the age.
            The day after Cindy’s death, as Bill drove me to his house, I recalled a day in May a long time ago. I was twelve and had just witnessed my best friend Chris electrocuted to death by a high tension electric wire. Dad had put a hand to my shoulder in a comforting gesture. But his words sent confused, mixed messages: “Sorry, Billy. But a man doesn’t cry. He doesn’t ask for help and he doesn’t show his feelings.” Those were the only words of comfort ever afforded me about the tragedy. When Cindy was killed I took those words to heart, alienating everyone who cared about me in the process.
            We sat in Pam’s office in silence. Even with everything that was happening, all I wanted was a drink. I tried to clear my mind. On the wall hung the Houston City Paper photo of the Porn-rock couple. I could see Cindy’s lovely face; hear her velveteen laughter as Misty related the story to her over crab cakes and corn on the cob at Phillips in Baltimore. The image made my head spin. Ironically, right next to the photo hung a more recent newspaper clipping from the Houston Post. It was an article about my sudden departure and surprising switch from the old station to this one. I barely recognized the happy looking young guy in the accompanying picture, posed wide eyed behind the microphone. It had been less than two years ago. It felt like a lifetime.
            Pam stirred uncomfortably in her chair. “You’re too good a DJ, a person, to do this to yourself, Billy. You have to let it go.”
            She was right.
            Her words fell on deaf ears.
            Taking a deep breath, Pam seemed to make up her mind. “Right now you are off the air. You’ve got the next three weeks to clean up your act. I want you back here Sunday night, January 13. You’ll take over the midnight to six A.M. shift. I don’t want to see you or hear about you! Screw up once more and you’ll be lucky to get a job doing farm reports in Nebraska. I mean this! Now get out of here.”
            She didn’t turn around, continuing to stare blankly out the window. I eased out of my chair, stole another quick glance at the news clippings on the wall, and then made my way to the door. “Thanks, Boss,” I called as I exited.

            Three days later I awoke in Bill and Shirley’s guest bedroom, my head pounding. I could tell by the angle of the shadows on the drawn curtains it was late in the day. I tried to sit up but my eyes blurred and my head spun. The knocking on the bedroom door felt like cannon fire.
            “Yes… what…?”
            Shirley entered carrying a glass of orange juice and a bottle of aspirin. “You look like hell.”
            “Thanks,” I replied, trying to chase the cotton from my mouth. “I hear that a lot these days.”
            She purposely slammed the bottle and glass down on the night stand, spilling some of the juice and driving a spike through my skull. “Gee, I wonder why,” she countered, closing the door too hard. I managed to down three aspirins and spill half the glass of orange juice down the front of my T shirt before I passed out.
            A couple of hours later I came to, feeling a bit better. Bill silently slipped into the room and scooted the desk chair up next to the bed. “Happy Birthday, buddy, how are you feeling?”
            “How do I look?”
            The grin I’d come to know and love all these years crept across his face. “Like hell.”
            I ignored his comment. Then it hit me. “What did you say?”
            “I said you look like hell and that’s giving you the better of it.”
            “No, no… the other thing…”
            “Oh, you mean Happy Birthday?”
            I looked towards the window. It was now dark outside. The clock on the night stand read 6:15. “What day is this?”
            Bill’s grin grew as he tried in vain to hide his amusement. “It’s Monday, Christmas Eve. It’s your birthday. Shirley wanted to greet you with hats and horns.”
            “Monday…?” My head began to swim again. I swallowed two more aspirins and what remained of the juice. “Monday… how, what happened? How’d I get here?”
            Bill made one of his famous okay, you asked for it, here it comes faces and sucked in his lower lip. I knew from past experience that this wasn’t going to be good.
            “Well, let’s see, where do I begin?” His look turned thoughtful.
            “Cut the crap and get on with it will ya, while I’m still alive to hear.”
            “Okay, okay. Boy you sure are grumpy for a birthday boy.” He was enjoying this. “On Friday afternoon your boss, Pam called… you remember her… she was looking for you. She was leaving to go home and your Plymouth was still in the parking lot. She said you had left the station late that morning.”
            I thought about what he said. Nothing, I drew a complete blank. Bill took a deep breath and continued. “You showed up here around four this morning.”
            “Was I…?”
            “Oh, yeah… Anyway, you shall we say noisily arrived here around four in your new car with Mandy and two of her stripper girlfriends in tow.”
            “Were they…?”
            Bill nodded.
            “A new car…?”
            Bill nodded again.
            “Mandy…?”
            “And two of her friends,” he replied, grinning and nodding like a bobble head.
            I though again. There was still nothing.
            “You and your lady friends had quite a time riding the wooden reindeer on my front lawn. It took some doing but Shirley and I managed to get you inside and say good bye to your playmates.”
            “Oh, well, that’s good.”
            “Not so good.” Bill’s expression turned serious. “That’s when you tried to dance with Shirley. You started lining the belt to her bathrobe with five dollar bills. By the way, she said she’s keeping them.”
            I closed my eyes. At least it couldn’t get any worse.
            It did.
            My friend shook his head. “We got you calmed down somewhat, but not for long. First you nearly ransacked the house looking for a drink. Then you knocked down the Christmas tree trying to get to the bathroom. You didn’t make it. You puked in the living room and then passed out on the sofa.”
            I pulled the covers up over my head. I wished it was six feet of dirt. “No wonder she…”
            “Yeah,” Bill laughed. “There’s more.”
            “You gotta be kidding me,” I moaned from under the covers.
            “Mandy called a while ago. She wanted to know how you were doing. You know, she really is a nice girl. You’ve known her for what, since we first came to Houston. That’s been about…”
            Pulling the covers down, I shot Bill a threatening look. “Just get on with it!”
            “Okay, okay, keep your shorts on.” He laughed again. “Oh, that’s right, you’re not wearing any. Anyway, Mandy filled me in on your weekend, what she could remember about it. Seems you walked away from the station Friday in a daze. At least that’s how Mandy said you seemed when you showed up at The Second Look around two P.M.
            “Was I…?”
            “Pretty much, yeah,” he replied. “According to Mandy you walked in, lifted her off the stage in mid-dance, carried her over to a corner table, pulled out your Gold Card – she gave it back to me, by the way – and announced, ‘Everything for everyone till closing time’.” Reaching into his pocket, Bill pulled out several pieces of paper and began to study them.
            I watched, confused. “You had to take notes?”
            “Hey, man, I may write a book!”
            “Whatever, go on.”
            “Well, Friday night into Saturday is kind of a blur to her, too. It seems the four of you, Mandy, you, Candi and Yum-Yum put on quite a show for the customers at Denny’s. Luckily Angie was working, although I don’t think she wants to see you back there for a while. Then all of you spent the night at Candi’s house. She didn’t go into much detail. But large amounts of alcohol, ecstasy and coke were involved, as was Candi’s hot tub.”
            For the first time in my life I saw my best friend blush. The covers returned to my head as I felt myself sinking into the bed. Regaining his composure, Bill continued to read from his notes. “Late Saturday afternoon you discovered you were without a car, so – that’s a very nice Mustang. And you got a great deal on it by paying cash – Saturday night Yum-Yum got a yen for sea food. I thought you were allergic?”
            “I am, very allergic. It could kill me. Too bad I didn’t eat any.”
            “Sarcasm…? You must be feeling better.” I could hear him rustling through more papers. “Guido’s Seafood House on Galveston Island requests that you do not return. And a Captain George Wright of the Galveston City Police Department would like to speak with you if you do return… to Galveston Island, not to Guido’s. By the way, I washed the sand and saltwater from your car for you. It would be a shame to ruin that nice new shiny black paint.”
            This was a nightmare. I groaned and rolled over.
            That was a mistake.
            This time I made it to the bathroom.
            When I returned, I found Bill sitting next to his wife in the living room. Shirley glared at me. A second later her gold capped front tooth shone like a Christmas tree topper as she burst out in laughter. “You look like hell.”
            I just looked at her and flopped down in the recliner.
            Bill’s grin matched his wife’s, as he perused his notes, “Ready for the rest?”
            “There’s more?”
            Always the smart ass, he studied the papers closer, “Oh, yeah!”
            “Just the highlights, please,” I replied, bracing for the worse.
            “Oh, no, this is much too good for just the cleft notes. It seems none of you are very clear about Sunday. Judging from the condition of your clothes we figured the four of you spent at least part of Saturday night and Sunday morning on the beach somewhere. It too included a lot of drinking. Somewhere along the way Candi got a tattoo before you returned to the city. All three girls wanted you to know they are very pleased with their Christmas presents from the jewelry store in the Galleria Mall. And you all ended up at The Forum where again the four of you put on quite a show for the customers.” Bill looked up from his notes. “By the way, how is Harvey doing? It’s been a while since we were there. Boy, I remember the times…” He had to stop and catch his breath as Shirley’s elbow found his ribs.
            “Are we done here?” I asked, praying he’d finished.
            Still taking sadistic pleasure in my situation, he once again closely examined the notes in his hand and then looked at Shirley. “I don’t have anything else, do you?”
            Shirley looked at me. “Nope, that’s about all, except you owe me seventy-five bucks for carpet cleaning.”

            Bill and Shirley, God bless them, once again took care of me. We rang in 1985 together and sober. For Christmas Shirley presented me with a bottle of Aqua di Silva. The expensive, lush cologne resurrected ghosts of Angel and Montreal and simpler times. I felt my eyes welling up with the memories.
            I almost learned my lesson this time… almost.
            I did cut back on my drinking and partying somewhat. And I managed to hang on to my radio job. I didn’t have a choice once the bills began arriving. $9,000 and change, that’s what my weekend cost me, not counting the new car.
            The car I bought turned out to be a beautiful black 1985 Mustang. The T topped GT model came brand new, right off of the showroom floor, from the same dealer and salesman from whom I’d purchased Cindy’s car. It mirrored Cindy’s Mustang perfectly; the one she was driving the night she was killed. I didn’t have the heart to get rid of it.
            The rest of the year is still a blur, partly from my slipping back into old habits; partly because I subconsciously chose to block it out. At least that’s what the psychologist said.
               In one of my deeper moods of depression I rashly bought a house. The down payment took what little money I had left. I reasoned I needed a change, to get away from the apartment that held so many memories; so many ghosts. I became a grass mowing, barbequing, commuting suburbanite. The change and the added responsibility helped a bit. But my salvation would soon arrive unexpectedly in the guise of 105 pounds of funny, caring, inquisitive, needy wonder. 

Saturday, May 31, 2014

Sporting Love by BJ Neblett

            I always tell people that if you want to get to know me read my short stories. You will always find at least a small part of me in my stories. Sometimes it is a much larger part, and not that hard to pick out. However, writing a memoir puts all of your cards on the table face up; it’s ALL about you! Enjoy this follow up chapter to Love At Work, from my forthcoming memoir A Change Is Gonna Come. For more insight into BJ Neblett check out my first memoir Ice Cream Camelot, available in e book form and soon to be released in paperback.
BJ

Sporting Love
BJ Neblett
© 2004, 2014

                                    “Ow, she’s a Brick House/yeah a Brick House”
            The Commodores’ distorted voices blasted from cheap speakers, ricocheted across the club and split the evening’s silence as I pulled open the heavy steel door. A burly, bearded, tattooed giant in denim and dark glasses gave us the cursory once over, clicked his hand held counter twice, and returned to his Easy Rider magazine. Inside, the well worn 45 RPM record skipped once, twice, three times on the jukebox.
            “Damn!” A rough female voice screeched, filling in the unexpected void in the din.
                                    “She’s mighty, mighty/just letting it all hang out”
            The music picked up again. Our ears slowly acclimated to the excessive decibels. Our eyes dilated and adjusted themselves to the dim lighting. The thick gray smoke didn’t help.
            The club was small I thought, not really knowing what to expect. Most of the ambient lighting came from red candle vases on the tables, the soft greenish glow of the jukebox, and a dusty mirror ball which spun silently overhead. Stumbling through a maze of tables, Bill and I made our way to the bar. A very bored looking bartender begrudgingly replaced the paper napkin under a drink, eyeballed us curiously and then looked out across the room. A total of eight customers, all males, were scattered about, strategically placed to make the club appear busy. I was trying to make my order known to the bartender when my friend forcibly spun me around in my stool and pointed. On our left, a long narrow chest high runway protruded from a small square stage like a huge phallic symbol. A buxom bleach blonde, scantily clad in G string, leather boots and a disinterested smile strutted up and down the glossy black surface somewhat in time to the music. She paused just long enough to bend over provocatively, allowing a wide eyed patron to slip dollar bills between flesh and string.
            Bill and I watched agog. It was our third night in Houston, our second evening out and our first foray into the exotic, erotic and enigmatic world of gentlemen’s clubs. It wouldn’t be our last. As our work schedules permitted, Bill and I slowly graduated from the seamier to the classier strip clubs in town. Over the next few months, we sampled all that Houston offered. It wasn’t long before we learned the only difference between a strip joint and a gentleman’s club was the location of the building, the price of the drinks, and the age and quality of the dancers.
            Smarting more than I realized from Julie’s sudden departure, I was through with any serious entanglements. I was twenty-eight and single, with a career that provided me a measure of fame as well as fortune. All I was interested in now was partying. One particularly boring night Bill in his infinite wisdom suggested we raise some hell. As we worked our way up through a chain of progressively classier clubs, the object of our boisterous behavior this evening would be The Forum, one of the city’s premier gentleman’s clubs on Houston’s trendy Southwest side.
            The great thing about radio is you are known by your voice. You can be Joe Citizen with a private life when you choose. However, with the drop of your name to a doorman or maître d' it’s instant celebrity. Such was the case this evening. Bill and I were ceremoniously escorted to a great table just off the end of the runway stage. We took our seats as a half naked dancer concluded her number and faded into the background amidst hoots and cheers. The house lights brightened a bit and a nasally DJ suffering from either too much or too little cocaine announced with too much enthusiasm the presence of the city’s newest and hottest radio jock. Several barely clad beauties surrounded our table leading a round of applause. The intro was over the top, the scene embarrassing, and the undeserved celebrity status intoxicating. It was a drug I would indulge in repeatedly over the next few years.
            The house lights dimmed, the club DJ made a quick pitch about tipping the waitresses, and then introduced the next flavor of the evening a fetching black girl named Licorice. As she strutted, a greasy gentleman with a bushy mustache approached our table. He was accompanied by a gorilla of a man in a fuchsia leisure suit, flowered shirt and dark glasses, following two steps behind. The mustachioed man positioned himself between Bill and me by placing ring studded hands on our shoulders. “Gentlemen, welcome to The Forum,” he proclaimed with a pronounced New Jersey accent. “My name is Harvey. I’m the manager. Anything you need, anything, you let me know.” He turned my way holding out a fleshy hand. “It’s especially nice to meet you Mr. James… Billy. May I call you Billy? Of course I can!”
            I stood and he took my hand. Instead of shaking it he clasped his other hand firmly on my upper arm. Looking me straight in the eyes, Harvey nodded his approval. The last time anyone greeted me this way I was attending a Sons of Italy dinner at Palumbo’s Night Club in South Philly.
            Releasing me from his grip, Harvey gave me a once over. “These eyes,” he said, almost poking out his own beagle browns with two stubby fingers, “these eyes, they have been around. I know… I can see.” He nodded with confidence, “James, now that must be just a stage name or something.”
            It took me a second. I decided to play along. Hell, I figured I’d better. “You got me Harvey,” I confessed. “I was born in South Philly. My mother’s people are from the old country.”
            “Ha!” Harvey slapped me on the shoulder. “I knew it.” He turned to his companion in the bright suit. “Did I tell you, Bruno?” Bruno nodded expressionless.
            Unlike his apish friend, Harvey was more conservatively dressed. That is if you consider a pale yellow suite with white Florsheim shoes and a white open collar silk shirt set off by several gold chains conservative. His slick straight back hair showed a touch of thinning while his chin sported a perpetual shadow. He wore his olive skin loosely, befitting a man of fifty trying too hard to hold on to his youth. Turning his six foot muscular frame back my way, Harvey took my hand again, this time shaking it warmly. “Anything you need… someone gives you trouble in this town, you just let Harvey know. You want anything, I’m your man.” As he pumped my arm, from across the club a fetching blonde caught my eye. Harvey took notice. “Ah!” He grinned broadly and patted my cheek then pinched it. “You have good taste my friend.”
            Before I could say a word, Harvey turned and whispered to Bruno. The big man almost smiled, nearly breaking his stoic expression. Returning his attention to Bill and me, Harvey laughed, wiggled a finger at us, laughed louder, and then he and Bruno disappeared into the crowd.
            Bill was wearing a large grin of his own as I sat down.
            “What?”
            “Looks like you made a new friend,” Bill said flashing that knowing expression of his.
            “Well, with friends like that I won’t have to worry about enemies,” I replied.
            “With friends like that you won’t have any enemies,” Bill corrected.
            We turned our attention back to the stage where Licorice was into her second number. Strutting topless, her G string lined with bills, she positioned herself at the end of the stage. Smiling seductively at three guys seated nearby, she suddenly dashed off down the runway, slowing only slightly as she approached the far end of the stage. The nimble black stripper executed a perfect hand spring, throwing herself at a chrome dancer pole. A breathless second later Licorice hung upside down, her legs wrapped tightly around the shiny pole, her lithe body still wiggling in perfect time to the frantic music.
            The club went nuts.

Mandy
            Bill and I smiled at each other and joined in the applause. From behind, a pleasant female voice with a pronounced Texas drawl cooed into our ears. “How do, gents?” A tall shapely strawberry blonde with hair down to her waist, a rose tattoo over her left breast and a sexy crooked smile stood between us. It was the girl that Harvey saw catch my eye. Without waiting for a reply, she placed a green bottle of unknown brand on our table. “This,” she said, “is on the house.” Producing four stemmed glasses, she poured, skillfully topping each with a pale reddish bubbling beverage. She then slid my chair from the table and fitted herself comfortably across my lap, one tan arm around my shoulder. “And so are we!”
            I looked at Bill befuddled. He had his own hands and lap full with a pretty redhead. Adjusting to the situation quicker than I, he grinned across the table. “Now how’d Harvey know I preferred redheads?”
            Kiki, Bill’s redhead, and Mandy, my sexy companion stuck with us all night. They kept us well oiled with mediocre champagne. We kept them well decorated with bills. By the end of the evening we had all become quite friendly.
            Kiki was cute as a button and just about as big. Working as a dancer for just six months, she hailed from Louisiana and carried a tough Cajun accent that didn’t match her round girlish face. Her tiny frame and red curly hair, to say nothing of her over ample breasts, came straight out of my friend’s fantasies. At six foot and five foot nothing respectively, Bill and Kiki were quite a sight.
            I was enjoying the situation myself. Twenty-four year old Mandy was an old pro, having worked the clubs since before her eighteenth birthday. Thin and shapely on a leggy five foot eight inch frame, her round pointy breasts, heart shaped face, full lips and cute light freckles served her well in the competitive, cut throat business. On her own since fifteen, Mandy’s worldly knowledge, street savvy, and determined confidence belied her age. She was sweet and funny and, unlike many dancers, down to earth and real. From my lap, Mandy batted her long lashes at me and through her crooked smile drawled, “Well, ain’t you just the most adorable thing!” I was hooked. Mandy and I were off on a stuttering, unconventional, fun, no strings relationship that would renew itself time and again over the course of a dozen years.
            Bill and I continued to explore Houston’s seemingly endless stream of strip clubs. From Southwest plush to Eastside sleazy we sampled them all. Sometimes Mandy and Kiki would tag along. Sometimes dancers we’d meet in one club would lead us to other clubs and more wild times. Either way, the young ladies we encountered were always eager and willing to make sure a good time was had by all.
            By the summer of ’79 I was something of a radio star in Houston. The fame wasn’t lost on any false modesty as I continued to live the part. A string of casual, quick relationships peppered with one night stands, plus the always ready for fun Mandy, fueled by alcohol, cocaine and ecstasy became my modus operandi. When I wasn’t on the air; doing a remote or personal appearance for the station, or mixing records at a disco, I could usually be found on the town.
            My party partner Bill on the other hand all but ended his nocturnal reveling. He was in love. The elusive object of his affections was a lovely divorced black woman who worked alongside of him at Texas Instruments. Hopelessly smitten, Bill relentlessly pursued her, leaving me for the most part to party on my own. It didn’t take long for me to grow accustomed to going it solo.

Honey and Summer
            One sticky night in July I wandered into a new small club off of Highway 290 on Houston’s northwest side. Finding a comfortable seat away from the deafening music but in good view of the stage, I ordered my usual gin and Seven Up. I was just finishing my second when a petite blonde took the runway.
            Her movements were faltering and unsure. Self-consciousness shone through her painted smile. Looking around, I doubted anyone in the small club was paying attention to her face. Shedding the skimpy baby doll top for her second number, the DJ re-introduced her as Honey, “The newest bee in the hive.” From her movements and youthful looks, I estimated her to be very new. I watched as she nervously strutted to the end of the runway. Pulling a wad of bills from my jeans, I strolled up to the stage. Honey smiled and stooped, allowing me to line her G string with ten singles. She brushed my cheek with a kiss. I whispered, “Come join me at my table.” Nodding discretely, Honey rose and returned to her dancing.
            A very cute girl with golden brown ringlet curls followed Honey’s performance. She too seemed nervous, refusing to make eye contact with customers. After a time I had given up and was about to leave when I spied Honey crossing the club. Dressed in a black teddy with garters and a sheer black cover up, she approached my table, followed closely by the cute ringlet girl. “Hi.” Honey’s voice lived up to her name.
            I stood. In tall heels, she was barely my height. The ringlet girl took her place beside Honey as I held out a hand. “Hello.”
            “Hi,” she repeated with a nervous tremble. Her hand was tiny in mine, her skin smooth and baby white. She cast her chocolate bunny eyes downward and her cherry cheeks flushed a deeper red. “Hi, I’m Honey. This is Summer.”
            Studying the fetching pair, I realized these two belonged on the side lines of a high school football game shaking their pom-poms, not shaking their young bodies on stage in a Houston strip club. “Nice to meet you both,” I said holding a chair. Honey sat next to me. Summer sat close to Honey.
            A waitress arrived with another drink for me. She placed what looked to be a cola with cherries in front of Summer, and a Shirley Temple by Honey. At the time, in Texas you could work in bars and clubs, serve drinks, even dance topless at the age of eighteen. You just couldn’t drink alcohol until you reach twenty-one. Honey looked up from the innocent beverage, her cheeks redder than before. “I hope you don’t mind,” she said, biting her lower lip. “We aren’t old enough to drink.”
            I smiled back at the both of them, bemused by the situation, “Of course not.”
            Honey noticed my gaze landing on her silent partner. “Oh, I’m sorry. I guess I should have asked, but Melissa… I mean Summer…” She cast her eyes down again as if expecting to be scolded for the slip. “Summer is my best friend. We do everything together.”
            I felt as if I were back in high school, my timid blind date forcing her reluctant girlfriend to tag along, just in case.  It wasn’t a bad feeling. “It’s nice to meet you both. I’m Billy.”
            Summer silently sipped her drink. Honey continued to blush and stare at the table. “We know who you are, Mr. James,” she said almost apologetically. “We seen ya up in the DJ booth at the Library Club. We love your station.” Summer let the straw slip from her kissable lips long enough to nod in agreement.
            “Well then,” I replied, trying my best to ease their nervousness, “you should know I like to be called Billy.” Both girls smiled. “So, you know who I am, tell me about you.”
            Honey looked up, obviously relieved at the simple question. “Well, Summer and I are from Enid, Oklahoma.” She placed a delicate hand on the other girl’s wrist, looking at her affectionately. “We’ve known each other since the third grade.” The two smiled warmly at one another before Honey turned her attention back to me, leaving her hand resting on Summer’s arm. “We’ve been best friends ever since. After graduation last month we moved here. Enid is so boring. We wanted some fun, excitement.” Summer readily nodded again but remained silent. They both relaxed a bit. “We’ve met some really nice people working here, and the other girls are so sweet and helpful.”
            Their simple, trusting naivety was overwhelming. I wondered if they truly understood where they were and what they were doing. Born Amanda and Melissa, they took jobs dancing on a dare. Both had been cheerleaders back home in Enid, Amanda – Honey – head cheerleader and the quiet, lovely Melissa prom queen.
            Honey’s mention that they did everything together proved an understatement. I never saw the two apart. That evening, after the girls got off work we drove over to Jo Jo’s Restaurant for breakfast. Away from the club they slipped comfortably back into their innocent, mid-western selves. A few nights later I was invited to spend the night at the apartment they shared. I quickly learned the true meaning of we do everything together, and why the shy pair were eager to leave the moralistic judgments of small town America behind.
            Like all of the dancers I dated, Honey, Summer and I carried on a comfortable, casual, on again off again relationship. As it was, the pair followed the well trodden path of other dancers, perfecting their trade, learning to deal with the advances of overly eager customers, and honing their skills at juggling several regulars at the same time. They also followed the downward spiral of drugs, alcohol, partying and too much too fast.
            The last time I saw the affectionate duo the three of us spent a fun Easter weekend on the beach at Galveston Island. The girls seemed to be handling their chosen careers well, having graduated to the nicer gentleman’s clubs. But the effects of cocaine and late hours had already begun to wear away at their natural beauty. Returning to the city, we discovered someone had broken into the girl’s apartment. Although visibly shaken, they shrugged it off as just another random burglary in the big city. I sensed it was something more.
            Summer had become acquainted for a time with a well known drug dealer. She hadn’t seen him for at least a month. Still, three days after the break in, an addict, strung out on crack and heroin showed up at the girl’s apartment ranting that he had been burnt by Summer’s friend in a drug deal gone bad. They desperately tried to reason with him, explaining through the chained and locked door that he wasn’t inside.
            He wouldn’t be convinced.
            Leveling a sawed off shotgun at the flimsy apartment door, the crazed addict fired both barrels. The two innocent eighteen year old's from Enid, Oklahoma, who were only looking for fun and excitement, were killed instantly.

Molly
            Through my relationship with the enigmatic Mandy, I became a full time denizen of the world of strip clubs. It was a world unto itself, with its own set of rules, priorities and standards; a world that existed primarily while the rest of the world slept. For the most part, this was a world ruled over by money and drugs. But there were exceptions.
            Mandy was one.
            Every bit a party girl, Mandy had a good head when it came to that very same partying. A junior high dropout, she was fond of quoting Mark Twain, the Bible and Oscar Wilde. Her very appropriate mantra was Wilde’s Moderation in everything, except moderation. They were wise words for someone dealing with the readily availability of drugs.
            And then there was Molly.
            Along with The Forum, Sweeties and The Second Look were the premier gentleman’s clubs in Houston. The three were written up in Playboy and Penthouse magazines. Here the prettiest girls at the top of their game danced for high rollers from the sports field and the board rooms. Here drugs took a backseat to dollars. The three clubs were no nonsense money makers and the Holy Grail for every serious dancer. Molly was the poster girl for the Hollywood ideal of what a stripper should be, and what America wanted to believe.
            Just thirty-three when we met, Molly was a devoted mother of two, holding down two jobs while putting herself through paralegal school. The wildly beautiful brunet was full of boundless energy and optimism. An athletic body that she somehow found time to keep in shape belied her age and rough early life at the hands of an abusive husband. Classic looks, long sexy legs, and a sharp, caustic sense of humor made her a favorite among regulars at The Second Look. She also enjoyed her role as nurse maid, surrogate mom and mother confessor to the other girls.
            We actually met in the club’s parking lot late one night after closing. “Perfect ending to a perfect day!” she fumed aloud, almost in tears.
            “Perfection is an over rated concept,” I said, strolling over.
            She looked up, wiping mascara from her piercing blue eyes, “One that has been the downfall of many a good man.”
            “Touché, but chivalry is alive and well, my lady,” I replied, feeling the effects of the evening’s gin.
            “And does Sir’s gallant steed carry a spare to fit a ’76 Volare?”
            “Ah, a rare breed indeed. Me thinks not. However I am at my lady’s service. My name is Billy.”
            Shaking my hand, her eyes narrowed and her smile widened to a shrewd grin. “I know who you are. I’ve seen you in the club a number of times.”
            “That’s not exactly what I would call a stellar recommendation.”
            “Perhaps not, but I know you’re one of the good ones. My name is Molly.”
            “Good ones?”
            Molly tossed a small travel bag into the stranded car’s back seat. “Honey, when you work with fifty other girls there are no secrets.”
            “I’ll have to remember that,” I said, blushing and making a mental note to watch what I said and to whom.
            “Besides,” Molly locked the car’s door and turned, her large purse slung over one shoulder, “you can observe a lot just by watching.”
            The passage made me laugh. “Now how can I leave someone who quotes Yogi Berra stranded; especially such a pretty damsel in distress?”
            Molly and I ate breakfast at Denny’s, breakfast and nothing more than a quick peck on the cheek.  One night stands weren’t Molly’s style. With the busy pace she kept she barely had time to herself. The next day, after my show, I had Molly’s tire repaired and brought it to her apartment. It was her day off. I enjoyed her company the night before and my plans included talking her into going out to eat. Instead, I sat down to my first home cooked meal in years.
            The apartment’s homey atmosphere, barking dog, ringing phone and bickering kids dispelled the typical stripper’s image I held. Over delicious homemade manicotti, Molly explained that many of the girls, especially at the better clubs were just struggling working moms as herself. “Just don’t tell the regulars,” she joked, “or we’ll all be out of work.” Later that evening, as we drove to pick up her car, Molly surprised me. Sliding across the wide bench seat of my vintage De Soto, she kissed me tenderly. Then she looked at me with soft but tired eyes. “Tomorrow is Saturday. I have a rare weekend off. Please don’t send me home to my screaming kids and lonely bed.”
            Her touching plea caught me off guard. “What do you suggest?”
            She shut her eyes and sighed. “It’s been a long time for me. I guess I’m just out of practice at this.”
            I kissed her cheek. “Don’t worry,” I teased, “it’s just like riding a bicycle.” That won me a big laugh and another kiss. Twenty minutes later we entered my apartment. Molly made some phone calls while I made some hot chocolate against the cool, damp February night. When I carried the tray into the bedroom I found her curled up on the bed fast asleep.
            Late the next morning I heard the shower running as I fixed omelets and toast. Molly appeared wearing my bathrobe, looking refreshed and beautiful. She sighed and sampled the orange juice I handed her. “I guess I should have told you. I never learned to ride a bicycle,” she confessed and we both laughed.
            Molly and I dated for around a year. It was a very easy, casual relationship, both of us enjoying what was missing from our lives. We did normal things, like normal people: movies, dinner, the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo, and the annual Renaissance Festival. We agreed on the basic ground rule of not mentioning work.
            I got to spend some time with her kids as we visited Astroworld Amusement Park and took in the Astros. Molly turned out to be an avid baseball fan. I became an instant hero to her son the afternoon I threw out the first pitch at the Astrodome and introduced him to some of the players.
            Molly graduated from school and left the club life behind. She landed a good job in a judge’s office. Shortly afterwards Molly married. The last time I heard she, hubby, the kids and new baby were doing just fine.

            And so it went. Four years dissolved into a blur of over indulgence. Like the dancers I dated, I too found myself awash in a sea of too much too fast.
            The spring of ’81 my friend and fellow DJ Misty reluctantly accepted a good job offer from a station in Baltimore. At a going away party she hugged me a little longer and cried a bit harder than I expected. It gave me pause. But her career was on the move. It was time to let her go.
            Later that same year I stood up for my best buddy Bill. He finally managed to charm his heart’s desire. Or, as Shirley put it, she slowed down enough for the old guy to catch her. Bill and Shirley made quite a pair and I never saw my best friend happier.
            December 1981 I turned thirty-one. I spent my birthday alone, mostly by choice. The clubs were closed. Mandy was off with friends to South Padre Island. Molly was busy with family, as were most of my friends. Bill and Shirley were spending their first holiday together as husband and wife.
            I sat alone in the darkened air studio on Christmas Eve drinking heavily spiked eggnog. Looking out on the city, I pictured the Astrodome as a giant chocolate muffin with a single lit candle. I really didn’t need to be there but I had nothing else to do; no place to go. I volunteered to mind the on air board, giving the married jocks time with their families.
            I looked over my shoulder often, thinking I heard something. The ghosts that haunt every radio station were restless.
                It was a lonely uncomfortable night.